it never means nothing

So I had a complete mental breakdown / panic attack in the associate pastor's office this morning. The issues with the Kairos class have completely depleted my energy. I was left feeling so hurt by everyone who has abandoned the vision and the energy we had set in motion back in August. I'm sad that it had to come to this, although I think everyone finally got the message. The class has hit rock bottom.

I collapsed in a heap of tears in the corner of his office between a table and a chair. I needed the most confined space I could find. Jessica and Travis came back to the church after receiving my text message and sat with me until I was able to calm down. I was such a mess. Finally after nearly an hour, I was able to calm down, get up, and breathe. I was sitting in a chair and looked over at the table I had been crouched against. There was a Bible spread wide open, tucked underneath a couple of books. I laughed, and said "of course you would." Then said to myself, "That never means nothing. That never... means nothing..." Curious to see what message God has sent me this time, I lift up the Bible and my eyes fall to a collection of verses.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even the youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

So I'm renewing my hope in the Lord, because I still cannot do it alone.