It's been five and a half years. I graduated three years ago, and am finally almost licensed. And him? He's married, has a baby on the way, and has finally cleared out the atrociously cluttered middle bedroom that used to be our combined office/drafting studio and has painted it pink. A rocking chair sits where my drafting table used to, and you know what? I couldn't be happier for him. I hope the energy of the late nights I spent awake there has vanished and he, she, and the baby experience peace and comfort in that corner, compared to the stress and agony it afforded me. He's gotten all he deserves in life, which is the very best, a loving wife, a beautiful child, a happy family.
She didn't like the idea that we were still friends, but she doesn't know. She doesn't know that I'm the one who helped him write his dating profile, who listened to him decide if he should go out on a date with her, who told him where to take her for their first date, which ended up being the place he proposed to her. That doesn't sound like someone trying to hold on to a love that isn't there. That sounds like true friendship. When they parted ways for a little while, I was the one who listened as he was so upset, and when she reached out to him again, I was the one who listened as it hurt to have the past brought back to mind. When they started dating again, and she moved in, she was upset that I was still his friend, reaching out to see how he was doing, responding to his calls, listening to him the first time she made him mad. And in the end, it was I who said, "I know she doesn't like me, and if talking to me is going to make your life more difficult, then I don't need to talk to you. I know we're friends, but I don't want to make things harder for you." And that was that, and we went our separate ways. I sent a card when he finally graduated, and when he needed the dog's paperwork, two weeks after his wedding, he stopped by and we talked about how wonderfully happy he is and how beautiful the wedding was.
I cut the three-year relationship tie five and a half years ago, but I still don't know how to cut the tie of the beautiful friendship that endured for three years after that. I'm so incredibly happy for him, and I've left him alone, only seeing glimpses of his life on facebook. My mother recently told me: "I know you had your struggles, but he really loved you. I hope you can find that again." A couple times I have thought that I did, but in the end, I'm still searching for that man who really loves me. And this time, I won't make it so hard for him to do so.
She didn't like the idea that we were still friends, but she doesn't know. She doesn't know that I'm the one who helped him write his dating profile, who listened to him decide if he should go out on a date with her, who told him where to take her for their first date, which ended up being the place he proposed to her. That doesn't sound like someone trying to hold on to a love that isn't there. That sounds like true friendship. When they parted ways for a little while, I was the one who listened as he was so upset, and when she reached out to him again, I was the one who listened as it hurt to have the past brought back to mind. When they started dating again, and she moved in, she was upset that I was still his friend, reaching out to see how he was doing, responding to his calls, listening to him the first time she made him mad. And in the end, it was I who said, "I know she doesn't like me, and if talking to me is going to make your life more difficult, then I don't need to talk to you. I know we're friends, but I don't want to make things harder for you." And that was that, and we went our separate ways. I sent a card when he finally graduated, and when he needed the dog's paperwork, two weeks after his wedding, he stopped by and we talked about how wonderfully happy he is and how beautiful the wedding was.
I cut the three-year relationship tie five and a half years ago, but I still don't know how to cut the tie of the beautiful friendship that endured for three years after that. I'm so incredibly happy for him, and I've left him alone, only seeing glimpses of his life on facebook. My mother recently told me: "I know you had your struggles, but he really loved you. I hope you can find that again." A couple times I have thought that I did, but in the end, I'm still searching for that man who really loves me. And this time, I won't make it so hard for him to do so.
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